I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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