Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Shame - the story of my life.
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