I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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