Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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