If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize