Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize