i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
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You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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