You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
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How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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