If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i barfeds in our rink
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize