I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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