i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
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Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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