i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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