i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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