btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
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I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
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But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Never underestimate the power of titties
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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