So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
