If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My life is pants optional.
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