So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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