You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
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After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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