At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
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party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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