i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
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He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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