the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
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i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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