i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
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No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
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Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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