If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
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making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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