FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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