Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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