So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
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That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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