4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Having a random hookup so left but love u
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize