Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize