i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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