break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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