New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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