he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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