She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
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4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
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"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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