I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
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You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
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