I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize