I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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