You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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