New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I want you more than these girls want KFC
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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