I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
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Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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