Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
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I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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