I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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