Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
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he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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