I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize