Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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