I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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