Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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