Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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