were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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