Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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