so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize